Author: Brooks Peck

Dr. Strangeleague or: How I learned to stop worrying and love the aging superstar in MLS

Anyone who has ever had a disparaging nickname knows how hard it can be to shake. For MLS, it’s the label of being a retirement league. That phrase has burrowed deep under the skin of the league and its supporters, forcing new signing who fit that stereotype to declare their intentions to actually try upon arrival.

Perhaps because of this, Americans have developed a compulsion for rushing to criticize aged stars from other lands who don’t immediately perform well once they join the league. As if condemning a well known player will magically rid MLS of the irrelevant yet somehow still hurtful “retirement league” tag or unquestionably prove that the level of play in the U.S. surpasses the expectations of its doubters.

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Luca Toni chips in a penalty during his final match, retires like a boss

World Cup winner Luca Toni went out in pretty much the best way a guy on a relegated team could hope by audaciously chipping in a penalty and beating Serie A champions Juventus 2-1. The 38-year-old striker, who was Serie A’s top scorer as recently as last season, executed the Panenka that sparked cheers from both sets of fans in the 43rd minute before doing his signature celebration for the last time.

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RB Leipzig manager injures himself while trying to dodge celebratory beer shower

RB Leipzig, a club founded in 2009 by a famous battery acid flavored beverage firm, won promotion to the Bundesliga by beating Karlsruhe 2-0 on Saturday. This prompted the traditional beer splash party on the pitch (and, yes, they did use beer and not the energy drink they were named after), but when the players targeted their manager, Ralf Rangnick, the 57-year-old went to ground with an injury.

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DTotD: Pittsburgh Riverhounds player viciously kicks opponent in the back

A Red Bulls II player who was sent off during a USL match against the Pittsburgh Riverhounds ended up having to be taken away on a stretcher after being kicked in the back. With the Red Bulls up 3-1 late in the game, a scuffle broke out, resulting in New York’s Karl Ouimette and Pittsburgh’s Romeo Parkes both getting red cards. Presumably figuring that he had nothing left to lose, Parkes kept jawing at Ouimette as he walked off before kicking him in the back like Leonidas in 300.

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