Exposing the secret purpose of "Major League Soccer."
Tag: conspiracy theories
Conspiracy Theory: Joey Barton got himself suspended by Rangers to promote his new book
Hours after Rangers announced that they are suspending ex-con midfielder Joey Barton for three weeks over a training-ground spat with an unnamed teammate, his shifty mug was plastered across newspaper backpages hawking his new autobiography.
Barton’s return to antagonizing his own teammates is arguably his most notable act since he was sent off for hitting Tom Huddlestone in the penis before washing out of the Premier League back in 2015. Which is quite the coincidence given that his book, titled “No Nonsense” and published by Simon & Schuster, is released on Thursday.
Conspiracy Theory: Lionel Messi is paying Cristiano Jr. to troll his father
Conspiracy Theory: Louis van Gaal behind Old Trafford evacuation to prolong his Man Utd stay
Manchester United’s final match of the Premier League season had to be abandoned and Old Trafford evacuated due to a “suspicious device” found in a bathroom at the stadium prior to kickoff. Once it was decided that it wasn’t the product of Wayne Rooney’s gastrointestinal system, the item was detonated in a controlled explosion and ruled to be “an incredibly realistic-looking explosive device,” according to the Greater Manchester Police. It also happened to be “a training device which had accidentally been left by a private company following a training exercise involving explosive search dogs.”
This raises the question: of all the things to leave behind, how could this company possibly leave one of their fake explosives? Well, maybe they didn’t.
Conspiracy Theory: Rafa Benitez wants to wear Jose Mourinho’s skin
It started innocently enough. Rafa Benitez succeeded his old rival, Jose Mourinho, at Inter in the summer of 2010. After all, there are only so many top jobs in football and there’s a certain logic that says an opening with a club that just won the treble weeks before is impossible for any manager to pass up.
But then, after quickly washing out at Inter and disappearing for two years, Benitez took over Chelsea, the club Mourinho managed when they were direct and frequent adversaries. This was strange. Especially since Benitez had previously said that he wouldn’t work for this club. But, again, there are only so many top jobs and Benitez had to take what he could get in the wake of his swift dismissal at Inter.
Then, after two years with Napoli (perhaps just to throw off the suspicious and put a hiccup in the developing pattern), he somehow fell upward to another one of Mourinho’s former clubs: Real Madrid.
Benitez started both his playing career and managerial career at Real Madrid and it had long been regarded as his dream job, though. A fact that was enough to limit any talk of a dark quest to experience what Jose Mourinho has experienced to jokes and put downs.
Now Benitez is going a step further and saying what Mourinho says, proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that his life’s mission is to wear Jose Mourinho’s skin like some kind of Special Onesie.
Jose Mourinho, Thibaut Courtois, Chelsea medical staff join campaign against Jose Mourinho
Despite being the victim of a vast conspiracy involving everyone from referees to ball boys, Jose Mourinho still led Chelsea to their third Premier League title together and first since his return to the club. Naturally, attempts to destroy someone do not end simply because they fail. Instead, they in scope and complexity. And after the first match of the season, this is already evident.
Conspiracy Theory: The USA’s masterplan for ultimate Women’s World Cup success
-Get tournament in Canada, which is close enough for a large number of U.S. fans to attend, but without potential for accusations of host nation bias. (The only other bid came from Zimbabwe, who mysteriously withdrew a few months after the bid deadline.)
-Start indicting FIFA officials shortly before the start of the tournament to scare Jerome Valcke and Sepp Blatter away from attending. (Because having those scuzzbags around would just make everything 20% less enjoyable.)
Abby Wambach thinks referee “purposefully” booked Rapinoe and Holiday in U.S. win over Colombia
The United States beat Colombia 2-0 in the Women’s World Cup round of 16. But that’s just the rug that all the dirt was swept under.
Conspiracy Theory: Liverpool are trying to damage Raheem Sterling’s reputation
Though just 20 years old, Raheem Sterling is proving himself to be one of Liverpool’s best players. As a result, he wants more money and perhaps a move to a club with a better chance of winning trophies. Though a natural part of the business, this puts Liverpool in a difficult position. As long as Sterling performs as well as he is, he holds all the cards. So the only way the club can gain an advantage in this situation is to try and cut down his market value in other ways.
Conspiracy Theory: Steven Gerrard set Mario Balotelli’s bathroom on fire in 2011
Steven Gerrard and Mario Balotelli are men with two very different reputations, but recent events prove that this is the result of Gerrard’s concerted efforts to distract from his own misdeeds.